Letter 10: Endurance
Dear Reader,
The weather is starting to get hotter, and the beaming sun is feeling good on my skin. Many people don’t like the hot beaming sun; they can’t stand being sweaty and sticky. I rather have dry heat than humid heat, now that’s sweaty and sticky. Being outside in 90+ degree weather can be exhausting if you don’t stay hydrated. I remember being an athletic trainer my freshman year in high school, our instructor had us go through a procedure if a player was to pass out on the turf. One of us had to drive the go-cart and set up the ice bath in the mini garage. We got timed on how fast we were able to set up, every minute counts when someone is having an exertional heatstroke or in a position to be hospitalized. Watching the football players practice was fun and slightly painful, having to be under the sun for hours while being on turf which causes more heat on the field was not fun.
This reminds me of today’s letter: Endurance. We withstand a lot of pain to do something that we enjoy doing or trying to reach a goal. Personally, I have two goals that are going to cause a lot of pain. Frist, I want to get back to my daily routine of working out, school and hanging out with friends had me preoccupied. I’m dreading on going back because I know the feeling of starting from level 1, it took me months to make working out a habit. I used to think about going to the gym all the time, it was a place where I can release stress; now I view it as a chore that I don’t want to start. Second, I want to improve on my reading and writing, finally I have free time to read all the books that I bought. Becoming a part of Sigma Kappa Delta has influenced me to love literature and all the wonders that come with it. I always had a knack for writing and reading but I never really let myself be challenged, I was comfortable where I was at.
Mary Pipher starts off with her letter to Laura at being on tour for her book. She had a nightmare where she was at the airport heading to her speech and she forgot her ticket. She wasn’t panicking as much since she can tell the clerk her destination but as she approached the desk, she wasn’t sure where she was going. She kept searching for a piece of paper to help her ease her stress, but she woke up sweating and her mouth tasted like metal.
During the time she was in the middle of her book-tour and was back home for a couple weeks. Going from city to city and ordering room-service, she said she was finally getting her life back together. She enjoyed writing books, but she doesn’t really care about what she needs to do to help sell them. She explains that there are two kinds of writer, extroverts and introverts, can you guess what kind she is? I enjoy the metaphor she uses to describe how tourism can be; “Like a bride, a writer is surrounded by admirers in a way that is both stressful and exhilarating. Except the bride is badly dressed, running late, jet lagged and hungry.”
Mary Pipher’s endurance is going through her book-tour and keeping up with the city life. Constantly running late for everything, not getting enough sleep, car honking in the middle of the night, and interviews with people that haven’t read her book. Then she quotes Winston Churchill, “When you are going through hell, keep going.”
Humans encounter many kinds of problems. Mary talks about three problems like speech phobias or unruly children which can usually be solved with information and effort. While others like eating disorders or entrenched martial problems need sophisticated solutions. Last, she mentions problems that are simply not solvable— a child that doesn’t want to reconnect with their family or the physical and mental health suffering from old-old age.
She tells Laura that the first problem she brought up can be helped by us therapist being motivators. We can tell our client, “Let’s teach you how to do time-outs with your toddler and set up a star-chart for rewarding good behavior.” With the second she says that we can be outside thinkers, “Maybe if every time you are tempted to binge, you play Chopin (or whatever music you like) and think of every country in the world you would like to visit.” But when we meet problem three, we get into a head space to start preparing for endurance training.
When reading this paragraph, I enjoyed when Mary said, “The capacity to tolerate pain and sorrow is an underappreciated virtue.” I would have to agree with this statement; sometimes when we deal with pain and sorrow, we do it behind closed doors. How are we supposed to know what someone is going through when they mask in the public eye? We can teach our clients to process their pain by asking for help and to look for solutions, but when it really gets down to the needy gritty, and everything is hopeless then it’s best to speak on other matters. In the text, she talks about the Great Depression, people’s great-aunts didn’t discuss their flat paper books and empty kitchen shelves. Explores in the Antarctic don’t need to mention that it’s cold. When the ship is going down, passengers gain nothing by screaming, “We are all going to die.” Basically, what Mary is trying to say is that we don’t need to state the obvious, we know what is going on but we must face it anyway.
During hard times, helpfulness, good cheer, dignity, and forbearance can become stellar virtues. When Mary’s grandmother was dying from cancer, she would tell her that she is brave and how she cares about others even though she is in pain. Her grandmother replied, “However I behave, I am going to die soon. Complaining won’t stop the pain. I might as well have the satisfaction of handling this with dignity.” the quote isn’t about giving up, it’s about choosing how to carry yourself when the outcome is already set. That choice becomes its own form of strength. This reminds me of Sisyphus. His entire existence is one long, exhausting repetition, and nothing he does will ever free him from the boulder. But Camus reframes him not as a tragic figure, but as someone who finds a sliver of freedom in his attitude. Sisyphus can’t change the task, but he can change the meaning he gives it. In the same way, the quote suggests that dignity becomes a kind of rebellion an inner stance that suffering can’t take away. Both the quote and Sisyphus show that even when life feels difficult, we still get to decide how we meet it, and that decision is where our humanity lives.
A short video on the story of Sisyphus and it’s the resource I used.
No virtue is absolute. One family member or in the friend group can’t have all the endurance, it can allow slackers and induces martyrdom. Though, we can encourage clients to confront a situation realistically, do what they can and then accept what they cannot. A prayer that AAs encourages,
“God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change what I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Mary ends the letter with telling Laura that there are people that have much harder situations to endure than book tours. She talks about Laura’s client Dana; she comes home from her customer service job to a difficult teenager son and brain-damaged mother who demands total attention. In the eye of the storm, Laura can meet her in the middle and encourage her to weep, talk about her feelings. Tell her to do some self-care. Most of all, Laura can teach her to quote from Tennessee William, “We endure by enduring.”
A man asked Abe Lincoln what they should engrave on his honorary plaque for his office. The man wanted Lincoln to come up with the most heart-wrenching swaggalious quote that can be helpful in all circumstances. Lincoln stayed quiet, thinking what to say, then he said, “This too shall pass.”
